The elephant and invisible chains

When I was a child, an image from the Houston Chronicle etched itself into my memory. It was a photo of a circus elephant, alone in its enclosure, diligently practicing a trick. No trainer, no audience, no reward in sight. Yet, there it was, balancing a ball on its trunk or perhaps standing on its hind legs – the memory is a bit hazy now.

This image has stayed with me throughout the years, serving as a powerful metaphor for the subconscious patterns we carry within us. Just like that elephant, we often continue to perform behaviors and enact patterns that were learned in a different time, a different context, long after they’ve ceased to be useful or necessary.

These patterns, often formed in childhood as coping mechanisms or survival strategies, can become deeply ingrained in our psyche. They may have helped us navigate challenging environments or difficult relationships, but as we grow and evolve, they can become obstacles to our well-being and happiness.

These patterns can manifest in various ways:

• People-pleasing: Constantly seeking approval and validation from others, even at the expense of our own needs.
• Conflict avoidance: Suppressing our own opinions or emotions to avoid confrontation, leading to resentment and frustration.
• Self-sabotage: Unconsciously undermining our own success or happiness due to fear of failure or vulnerability.
• Overachieving: Driven by a need to prove our worth, we push ourselves to the point of exhaustion and burnout.

These patterns, often operating beneath our awareness, can significantly impact our relationships and mental health. They can lead to unhealthy dynamics, communication breakdowns, and a persistent sense of dissatisfaction.

I often use the elephant story to illustrate this concept to my clients. When they describe a recurring challenge in their relationships or a pattern of self-defeating behavior, I encourage them to become aware of the “elephant” within them – the subconscious patterns that are driving their actions.

“Don’t be the elephant,” I tell them. “Don’t keep performing tricks that no longer serve you. Recognize the patterns, challenge them, and choose a new path.”

Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step towards change. Through self-reflection, therapy, and mindful awareness, we can break free from the unseen chains of our past and create new, healthier patterns.