Why do we choose the partners we do?

In the book, Getting the Love You Want, Doctors Helen Hunt and Harville Hendrix talk about how our childhood experiences inform what we look for in a partner.

What initially attracts us to someone is also what causes upset but we can use this as a roadmap for how to heal past negative experiences and grow closer as a couple.

Sharing childhood experiences is one crucial way to getting a better understanding of your partner – this understanding of their inner workings can help you to shift from judgment to empathy.

“‘LOVE HEALS ALL’ is a well-known sentiment. And it can. It can even heal the deepest emotional wound of all—the ruptured connection between you and your parents. But it needs to be a specific kind of love. It needs to be a mature, patient love that is free of manipulation and distortion, and it needs to take place within the context of an intimate relationship. Receiving empathy from a friend may be very moving, but it does not reach all the way down into your psyche.” (Hunt/Hendrix)

Relationships are where our biggest wounds show up …

And they’re where we have our deepest opportunities to grow and heal.

As Rumi wrote, “The wound is the place where the light enters.”

Wishing you love, light, growth, healing … and hard but necessary conversations!