Breaking Sneaky Patterns: Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but not setting them can mean self-abandonment, settling for unhealthy relationships, and resentment.
Boundaries are based on your values, so return to the importance of your values and know that it’s a skill that can be developed and practiced. Also know there will be those who won’t see your point of view or refuse to comply with your boundaries – and this will require holding them for your own self and wellbeing anyway and not wasting time and energy trying to convince them or dropping your standards for their wants and comfort.
“If you deny yourself the right to change your mind, can’t speak up, or say no, every decision carries the weight of a life sentence.” – Terri Cole, author of Boundary Boss
A practice from Dr. Jo Nash:
Stating what we want is an essential skill for setting healthy boundaries. Try using these phrases to practice ways of saying what you want confidently and respectfully. You can roleplay these with a therapist or counselor first, or use them the next time you need to state what you want – either in person, by email, or by text message.
- “I’d like to …”
- “I’d prefer to…”
- “I’d rather…”
- “I want to…”
- “….. works for me.”
- “I’m more comfortable with… “
- “I’ve decided that…”
- “I can only do this/meet/ talk on…. “
- “This is what’s best for me…”