Nonfinite grief and life changes

Sometimes we have to grieve the loss of an idea or mourn the life we thought we’d have. 

Nonfinite grief, or living loss, is the sadness you feel when you watch an imagined future dissolve, or your expectations and dreams don’t come to fruition. This can be the end of a relationship, a career change, an unexpected move, or a health diagnosis.

Often, we think of loss in finite terms, usually death, but grief also applies to life changes. In a 2016 study of bereaved university students, Mary Alice Varga found that many participants indicated that non-death losses had more significance in their lives than death-related losses.

Family therapist Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous loss – loss without closure. Some losses are also ongoing and chronic in nature. 

Disenfranchised losses are those that are either not recognized or acknowledged, often have stigma attached to them, and no rituals to provide a sense of meaning to what has happened. Coined by Kenneth J. Doka, the term describes forms of grief that are not acknowledged on a personal or societal level. Observers may take issue with a mourner’s expression of grief or view their loss as insignificant, which can lead to feelings of isolation and doubt over the impact of the loss experienced. 

Your grief is valid and deserves acknowledgement and support.